Torn
by lizardwriter
Summary: Tea's torn.  She wants to be a good best friend, but she wants...other things too.  A US Skins oneshot.  Disclaimer: I don't own Skins or the characters.


She just feels fucking torn in two sometimes.

She's usually so straight forward about what she wants (and who she wants), but there's one thing she's always left beneath the surface. What choice does she have?

She can't be a good friend and do what she wants. Not in this case.

So she doesn't.

.

Sometimes she thinks she might burst.

When Tony's being the world's biggest dick, when she's seen him kissing some other girl, but, because she's his best friend, she's expected to just turn around and lie to her, to cover for him, to risk breaking her heart.

It's times like that that make her question her priorities, question her decision to then turn away from her and go back to whatever girl she's trying to pick up that night (not that it ever takes too much effort).

She always fucks more desperately those nights, thrusting in almost violently, burying her face so she doesn't have to look her latest conquest in the eyes as she wishes it was someone else entirely.

.

"You're always so good to me."

The words feel like daggers stabbing her in the chest. Of course Michelle has to smile when she tells her that. Of course Michelle reaches up to stroke her cheek.

_I'm not. I'm a real asshole._ It's on the tip of her tongue, but she can't quite spit it out. _I'm lying to you for a guy who doesn't even fucking deserve you._

"You're the best, Tea," she says.

She feels the daggers twist as she forces a smile in response.

.

It's perhaps the little touches that drive her the most insane. They're so innocent, on her part, so trusting.

They really shouldn't be.

.

One day, she thinks, she'll break. One day she'll burst and it will all be out there in the world, impossible for her to take back.

She dreads that day, but it feels inevitable.

She can practically feel it gravitating ever closer.

.

It's not like they spend minimal time together. Being best friends with Tony means spending lots of time with the both of them.

It makes it simultaneously harder and easier.

Harder because she has to see them together. Harder because she has to be taunted with something she wants and can never have while being constantly reminded why she can never have it. (Harder because every second spent in her presence, bathed in her beauty feels like agony when she can't touch her the way she so desperately wants to.)

Easier because she sees them together, as a couple, happy, kissing…'loving'. It puts her in her place.

.

There's plenty of alone time, too. Just the two of them, hanging out, getting ready to go out, spending quality time.

She always has to watch what she says. She can't give too much away; not of herself and not of Tony.

Sometimes it feels like there are so many thinks she can't say that one's bound to slip out. She's just not sure which thing she hopes eventually does.

.

"Take care of Nips for me," he winks.

She wants to punch him. She settles for, "You know she hates that nickname."

He shrugs and saunters off, arm around some Barbie wannabe.

She's torn in two once again.

She could take care of her. She could take _such_ good care of her.

It wouldn't be for him though.

.

They're drunk and she's asking questions (again).

She's been over this before, but Michelle's curiosity apparently gets the best of her sometimes (like when alcohol loosens her tongue).

"No, but what's it really like?"

"I told you. Heaven. The way a girl smells. The way she tastes. The way she looks as she clenches around your fingers."

She knows she's being more graphic than she would be without the booze.

Michelle doesn't seem to care.

"But like the actual feelings, when you're like, when someone's touching you, a girl, I mean…Is it that different?"

It feels like a fucking invitation, even though it can't be.

Maybe it's the joint they smoked earlier that provokes her to say it. The pot plus the vodka. That has to be what makes her lean in close and say, "Want to find out?"

.

She never expected her to blush so pleasantly.

She never expected her to not pull away, to stay in place and bite her lower lip so attractively.

She never expected her to lean in a little closer with an indescribable glint in her beautiful eyes.

She never expected her to say, "Yes."

.

As soon as their lips touch, she knows she's done for.

She pulls her in far more hungrily than she should. She just can't help it. She's wanted this, ached for it, for so long.

.

Michelle surprisingly doesn't stop, doesn't push her away.

In fact, they only break apart long enough for Michelle to tug her shirt over her head.

It should feel more wrong than it does, being with her, with Tony's girl (although maybe she's not given that her hand is tracing up Tea's side).

She might push first, but Michelle pulls, so it somehow feels all right that she's suddenly lying on top of her.

.

This scares her a little. It's the first time she's done this. Not had sex, obviously, because she's really not even remotely lacking in experience there, but doing it with someone she not only really likes, but also cares about? It's a definite first.

She'd like to think that it doesn't matter.

The truth is that, even if she manages to not give herself away, to not let on just how much she wants this, things will be different. Their relationship will be different.

.

Despite all of that, she can't not.

She can't stop. Not unless Michelle stops her (and she doesn't).

.

Her first taste feels like heaven.

The way that Michelle bucks up to meet her mouth makes her unbelievably wet.

She knows, just from the way that Michelle shivers at the slightest touch, the way she lets out sharp gasps just from the faintest brush of Tea's tongue against her clit, that this is going to be incredibly satisfying for both of them.

She's never been so turned on by just touching someone else before.

.

When she comes, it's the most beautiful thing in the world: blue eyes fluttering closed, head tilted back exposing that beautiful, kissable neck, her luscious bottom lip clasped between her teeth as a low, guttural moan escapes her throat, entire body (covered in a thin sheen of sweat) shuddering as hands grab at the sheets, twisting them in knots. It's a truly exquisite sight (and one she wants to see over and over again).

She brings her down slowly, afraid that when it's done, when she's recovered from her post orgasmic state she'll come to her senses, remember who she is and who she's supposed to be with.

She kisses her way up her body, ghosting kisses along the freckles that stand out in stark (but beautiful) contrast to her pale skin.

.

When Michelle's eyes open again, she's almost too scared to look (even as she can't look away).

She expects regret, shame, embarrassment. She sees none of that.

Michelle's beautiful blue eyes look almost dazed, but there's a bit of a spark that Tea can't identify.

She swallows hard. This could make or break her. "Well, now you know," she says, resuming their previous conversation, as if that was all that this was about. As if she hasn't just fucked her best friend's girlfriend and loved every second of it. As if she's not aching to be touched in return.

Michelle's expression darkens for a second, but then she shakes her head. "You, Tea Marvelli, are a crap liar."

She has no response, for once. For starters, she's not sure exactly what Michelle thinks she's lying about, and if she hasn't already given herself away just by touch, she doesn't want to fuck up and say something that will. She raises an eyebrow, questioning, but still attempting to play it cool.

Michelle flips them over, pinning her to the bed. It's unexpected, but certainly not unwelcome.

She kisses her sweetly. So sweetly that Tea almost doesn't notice the way that Michelle's leg is slipping up between her own until it's practically touching her.

She cants her hips up to meet her leg, desperate for the friction, before she can think to pull away. It's probably the most telling thing she's done all night and Michelle smiles down at her.

"Do you love me?" she asks.

She can't respond. She can't say a thing, caught in that gorgeous blue gaze.

"He doesn't. Not really. Does he?" she prods.

She can't reply to that either. He's off fucking someone else right now. He doesn't deserve her. Still, she can't outright say it.

Apparently she doesn't need to.

"Didn't think so," she sighs. "Do you want to know your tell?"

Her brows furrow in response.

"It's your nostrils," she says, placing a small kiss on Tea's nose. "They flare ever so slightly. It's cute, really."

She attempts to stare at her own nose, the offending object, only managing to make herself go cross-eyed. "I didn't-"

"You're a good friend. To both of us," she cuts her off.

There's no way Michelle can know this much. She never let on. She never said.

"At least someone loves me," Michelle says, smiling a little sadly for a second, before it turns genuine. "And I'm glad it's you."

This isn't her. She's not normally the quiet one. She's straight forward, direct, vocal. She doesn't beat around the bush. She speaks her mind and fuck anyone who can't handle it. She doesn't let other people direct the conversation.

She just doesn't have a response to this. It's been beneath the surface for so long that she wasn't prepared for it to come to light. Tony's going to kill her for this.

Michelle's hand trails down her stomach, dipping below, just quickly.

They both shudder involuntarily.

"You're soaked," she says.

"Way to state the obvious," she retorts just to have something about this feel normal.

Michelle doesn't snap. She just smiles again. "So how long have you been daydreaming about me going down on you?"

She's not sure when exactly she lost so much control of this situation that something as little as a comment makes her arch up into Michelle's body.

She's not given much of an opportunity to respond (not that she was going to anyway) because moments later Michelle's hands are running over her body and Michelle's lips are on her neck, sucking at her pulse point, and, apparently, her nights not over yet.

.

She's unrefined and sloppy with her touches, but, God, it just doesn't fucking matter.

She's getting there embarrassingly quickly (and maybe it's just because she got ridiculously close just from eating Michelle out, but maybe it's simply because it's Michelle who's touching her, and, fuck, she's been daydreaming for a long fucking time).

Michelle may not know where to lick when, exactly, but when she moans appreciatively, lapping at her like she fucking loves it, it's enough to push her over into an incredibly intense orgasm.

.

She can't say it. Not out loud, but Michelle clearly knows anyway as she settles on the bed next to her, resting her head on her shoulder.

She begins to trace indiscernible patterns on her stomach as she tilts her head up to look Tea in the eye. "I think it's about time I kicked that jackass to the curb, don't you?"

She's torn again, but less so with Michelle in her arms, smiling coyly up at her. Maybe she made an unconscious choice a long time ago.

"Yeah. I'd say so."


End file.
